Helen’s Important Life Lessons
by ketmj
Summary: Helen decides to give Raki life lessons to help him avoid the unfortunate consequences that the others have experienced.
1. Lesson 1: Don't be a Doormat

Lesson 1: Don't be a Doormat

_Clarice_

"Helen, I don't think we're allowed to be here."

"Nonsense, they never said we couldn't come here. Besides, this is important."

Helen's unconcerned response did nothing to Raki's fears of trouble. He knew he shouldn't have gone with her, but there was no way to stop her once she got started. Helen burst into his room babbling excitedly about his education. She then proceeded to drag him out of his room and down the hallway of the Rabona Cathedral ignoring all his protests. She wouldn't listen to concerns like "Not supposed to be here." Miria angry; "Authorized people only." Furious Clare; "Forbidden area." Galatea's wrath; and "No one past this point." All three livid. Did he mention rage the likes no one has ever seen before? He knew things too. He heard the stories of how much trouble Helen had gotten into in the north. There was no way any idea of Helen's wouldn't get them into serious trouble. _Sigh._ He was really looking forward to his birthday too.

"Ok, we're here!" An overly excited Helen shouted to a very glum Raki.

"Where exactly is here?"

"Your classroom!" Helen screamed shoving Raki into the room.

"My what?!" Raki yelled dragging himself off the floor.

"Your classroom! Now, starting today I will be giving you lessons on life. These lessons are designed to help you avoid unfortunate consequences that the others have experienced. I will be using real live examples too to help the learning process." Helen finishes her introduction and smiles at Raki.

"What?"

"Now, no need to thank me."

"I wasn't going to. Helen, I'm leaving. You're just going to make people mad at you." Raki says and starts to walk to the door.

"You can't do that! The lesson isn't over yet!" Helen jumps on Raki and ties him up.

"Helen! What are you doing?! Untie me now!" Raki screams struggling against the ropes.

"No, if I do that then you'll run away and I won't be able to do our first lesson." Helen calmly tells Raki.

"But I don't want any lessons from you!"

"Hey! Clarice, come here!" Helen screams out the door completely ignoring Raki.

"Helen, there's no way she'll be able to hear you."

"Did you need something?" Clarice asks as she walks into the room.

"That's impossible! How did she hear you?! We're in the super restricted forbidden section!" Raki's eyes start to slightly bulge at the impossibility of the situation.

"Oh, well Helen told me last night to come down here and wait in a room down the hall. She told me to stay there until she called for me." She explains to Raki.

"Lesson one: Don't be a doormat." Helen proudly gestures towards Clarice.

"D-doormat?" Clarice looks at Helen and Raki.

"Raki, Clarice has failed to learn the art of saying "no" and thus has become a doormat. You must always voice your opinions and wishes. If you don't want to do something say no."

"What do you mean I'm a doormat?! I'm not a doormat! I am perfectly capable of voicing my wishes! " Clarice stomps her foot.

"Clarice, Helen told you to go into a forbidden area, wait in a dark room all by yourself the whole night, and to only leave that room when she called for you. I hate to say it, but Helen's right. You are kind of a doormat." Raki says calmly.

"I-I!!!!" Clarice starts to wail.

"Ah, don't cry! It's ok! All you have to do is to learn how to say no!" Raki starts to panic when he sees tears falling.

"That's right. All you have to do is say no." Helen agrees.

"Just say n-n-n-n-n." Clarice replies.

"Try again. Nu oh. No." Helen says slowly.

"N-n-n-n-n-n…. I can't say it!!!" Clarice wails.

"Again!" Helen yells.

"N-n-n-n-n…" Helen bites her hand as she continues to try. "OWWWWWWWWW!!!!" Clarice yells.

"Hmmmm… Well, it wasn't what I was going for, but it was closer." Helen says disappointed.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!!!!" Clarice screams while clutching her hand.

"I thought it would help you say no." Helen replies.

"WELL IT DIDN'T!!!"

"Oh well, I'll help you later then. I really need to get back to Raki's lesson. Ok, well as you can see there are serious consequences to being a doormat. Not only are you forced into doing things you really don't want to do, you are disrespected all the time. It also seems that Clarice is physically incapable of saying no as well." Helen explains to Raki.

"Hey! I'm still here you know!" Clarice glares at Helen.

"Now Raki, I want you to watch this very carefully. Clarice, here do the laundry. I'm on laundry duty this week, but I'm busy now so you do it." Helen throws five bags of dirty laundry at Clarice.

"B-but." Clarice stumbles around the room under the weight of the bags.

"Now get going. That's supposed to be done today." Helen shoves Clarice out of the room and closes the door in her face.

Raki had to endure fifteen more minutes of listening to Helen explain in detail the woes of being a doormat and how much Clarice's life sucks because she is one. She was about to give a detailed description of Clarice's life, or rather made up life because he knew Helen's attention span wasn't long enough to listen to Clarice's life story, when the door burst open and a very angry Galatea stood in the doorway. Helen and Raki cower away from the black flames of doom that surrounded her.

"Hello, Helen." Galatea's sugary sweet tone had them shaking in terror.

"H-hi." Helen manages to squeak out.

"Guess who I met doing laundry." Galatea continues in her sugary sweet tone.

"Uh…"

"I met Clarice. Now, I was wondering if you're supposed to be on laundry duty this week…Why is Clarice doing the laundry?" Galatea finishes menacingly.

"I'm giving Raki life lessons and today's lesson is Don't be a Doormat. So, I needed a real life example and Clarice was the perfect person for that…." Helen says backing away from Galatea the entire time.

"…"

"Uh… Raki, today's lesson is over! It was nice running into you Galatea! Bye!" Helen yells attempting to run out of the room.

"Oh, no you don't! This area is a super restricted area! Clarice also told me that you made her spend the night here all alone! You are in major trouble!" Galatea yells at Helen.

"B-but I was only trying to help Raki"

"You were using that as an excuse to get out of doing laundry!" Galatea starts hitting Helen on the top of her head.

"OWWWW! STOP THAT IT HURTS!!!"

"_**DO YOU THINK IT HURTS MORE THAN WHEN YOU BIT CLARICE'S HAND?!!!!**_"

"Uh oh…"

"_**UH OH IS RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN!!!**_"

Helen barely moves when the black flames of doom surrounding Galatea engulf the entire room blasting Helen out of the tenth floor window.

_Crash!_

"_Ouch…_" Raki thinks.

"Raki?"

"Uh… Yes?"

"What did you learn today?"

"I-I learned that Helen's ideas are always bad and that I should never listen to anything she says because it will most certainly end badly."

"_And_?"

"And…. And…." Raki panics.

"…….." Galatea walks towards Raki.

"Please, don't hurt me!"

Raki squeezes his eyes shut preparing for his death. He only opens his eyes when he hears the ropes being cut.

"I'm not going to hurt you. It was Helen's fault. Plus, you learned the appropriate lesson from Helen's class." Galatea says walking out of the room.

Raki runs out of the room and outside trying to get as far away from the restricted section only stopping when he hears a muffled "Ouf". Raki looks down and realizes that he accidently stomped on Helen's back. He was about to help her up when she started mumbling something about lesson two and decided that he needed to get as far away from her as possible.


	2. Lesson 2: Peer Pressure

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated I've been sick and haven't really felt like doing anything. For those of you who also read Adventures of the Challenged I'll hopefully be updating that later this week.

* * *

Lesson 2: Peer Pressure

_Deneve_

Raki was having such a nice peaceful morning. He woke up to the sun shining through his window and when he opened his eyes he saw the sky was a beautiful blue not a cloud in sight. He decided to spend the day lounging outside enjoying the nice weather in peace and quiet without a care in the world. Oh, how wrong he was…

"This is nice. It's not too hot or too cold. I could stay here forever." Sighed Raki as he lay under a tree.

"RAKI!!!" A horrifyingly familiar voice yelled.

"No!" Raki gasps, his eyes popping open.

"RAAAAA-HEY, THERE YOU ARE!!!" Helen yelled walking towards him.

"No! No! No!" Raki says shaking his head in disbelieving horror.

As he watched Helen walk slowly towards him, each foot step bringing the sound of doom, he made the only decision he could. He ran. Looking back on his decision he realized that he didn't make the _smartest_ one, but hey, he had to try. For one glorious moment he thought he had done it. He had really escaped from Helen, but once again all his hopes and dreams came crashing down around him.

"HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR LESSON!!!" Helen yelled.

Raki was almost free. He could taste it. That is until he felt something wrap around his torso like a python pulling him off his feet and onto his back. He stared at the sky in a dazed stupor until he realized he was being dragged backwards. He looked down and saw something black wrapped around him. Tilting his head back he sees that the black thing is attached to Helen and she is dragging him towards her.

"NO! NO! LET ME GO!!!!!" Raki screams, kicking his legs, desperately trying to escape.

"COME ON!!! I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU!!! I'M JUST GOING TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER LIFE LESSON!!!" Helen yells pulling him closer.

"_**NO! I DON'T WANT A LESSON!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!!!**_" Raki screams, flailing his entire body.

"DON'T BE A BABY! OUCH! STOP FLAILING AROUND LIKE THAT!!! YOU'RE SQUISHING MY ARM!!!" Helen yells, wincing in pain.

"_**I DON'T CARE!!! LET ME GO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!!! HELP!!! SOMEONE!!! ANYONE!!!! HEY, YOU KID!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!**_" Raki desperately screams at a three year old boy.

"It's ok little boy. My baby brother likes to joke around. Why don't you go play with your friends?" Helen says.

"Ok, lady." The little boy says, walking away.

"_**NO!!! WAIT!!! SHE'S LYING!!!! SHE ISN'T MY SISTER!!!! WAIT, COME BACK!!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!**_" Raki cries desperately.

"_SHUT UP! YOU'RE MAKING ME SOUND LIKE SOME CRAZED LUNATIC!!!!_" Helen yanks Raki a little closer.

"_**THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!**_" Raki flails violently managing to smash Helen's arm into a rock.

"_OUCH!!! THAT HURT!!!_" Helen yanks Raki hard, hitting his head on the ground.

"_OUF! __**CLARE!!!! HELP ME!!! CLARE!!!!!! CLA-MMMHMMMHMPH**_" Raki is unable to finish because Helen stretched her arm to cover his mouth with her hand.

"_**RAKI! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?!!!**_" Helen screams, looking into Raki's glaring eyes.

Unable to speak Raki puts all his effort into fighting against Helen's death grip. The fighting and muffled screaming continue the whole trip back to the tree. Raki lay on the ground panting at Helen's feet as she unwound her arm from him content that his attempts to escape were over. Raki sensing an opening tries to bolt only to get face planted into the ground.

_Elsewhere_

"Ouch!" Clare puts her hands to her face.

"What's wrong Clare?" Yuma asks.

"I don't know, but my face hurts. It feels like I just had my face smashed into the ground." Clare says.

_Back to Helen and Raki_

Five minutes and ten escape attempts later Raki is now tied to the tree with a very disgruntled look on his face.

"Now, we can finally begin our lesson" Helen says, looking at Raki.

"I don't want a lesson." Raki says, pouting.

"Now, today's lesson is going to be about peer pressure and why you shouldn't succumb to it." Helen explains, ignoring Raki.

"Aren't you the worst person to teach about peer pressure? You use it all the time to get people to do your evil bidding." Raki says, successfully not cowering from the murderous look Helen was giving him.

"SHUT UP!" Helen yells, while kicking Raki's foot.

"OUCH!"

"Now as I was saying, peer pressure is very bad. You should never let yourself be pressured into doing something that you don't want to do. It could have very bad consequences." Helen begins.

"Yeah, you should know. OUCH!"

"No interrupting. Now, I have a very special guest for today's lesson. Deneve!" Helen looks around the courtyard.

"What do you want? What is soooo important that I _had_ to be here?" Deneve asks, walking towards Helen.

"Oh there you are! Ok, stand right here" Helen moves Deneve to stand in front of the tree.

"Helen, why is Raki tied to a tree?"

"This person here is the perfect example of how peer pressure can ruin your life." Helen gestures towards Deneve.

"Are you doing those stupid life lessons again?"

"How is it possible for peer pressure to ruin your life, you ask?" Helen continues, using her awesome powers of selective hearing.

"Hey! I do _not_ like being ignored!" Deneve's left eye beginning to twitch.

"Well, it can ruin your life quite easily." Helen says.

"What did I say about being ignored?" Deneve asks, flames beginning to form around her.

"_Uh oh, she's getting really mad._" Raki thinks.

"I will begin to tell you the sad sad tale of her life." Helen says, shaking her head sadly.

"_What did you say_?" Deneve's voice taking a slight menacing tone.

"_Well, that's it. Goodbye world._" Raki thinks, as Deneve's flames begin to lightly singe his eyebrows.

"It was a sad day indeed when a little Deneve, desperate to be accepted by her super cool friend, allowed herself to be swayed into a life of rule breaking." Helen began.

"Gee, I wonder who this _super cool_ friend could have been?" Raki mumbles sarcastically.

"It was early morning when this super cool friend suggested they skip morning training. Little Deneve wanting to be accepted, followed without a thought of the horrible consequences." Helen continues.

"Yeah, horrible consequences you probably caused." Raki mumbles, glancing at Deneve.

"All your fault. All your fault." Deneve says with a haunted look on her face the flames around her quickly dispersing.

"Wow, I wonder what happened?" Raki curiously looks between Deneve and Helen.

"Oh, it was so tragic when they were caught by Erimita."

"Too many robes…" Deneve interrupts.

"It was even more tragic when little Deneve had to give Erimita a hug." Helen says.

"Wait, why did Deneve have to give him a hug?"

"Creepy eyes…"

"Well, her super cool friend had to think fast to get them out of trouble." Helen begins.

"You mean she had to think of a plan to save herself." Raki mumbles.

"Like hugging a corpse…"

"So, she thought of an ingenious plan and told Erimita that little Deneve was sad and wanted a hug." Helen finishes proudly; staring into Raki's shocked face.

"You mean that you traumatized Deneve to save yourself?" Raki asks.

"Well, it got her out of trouble too." Helen says a little insulted.

"But you weren't permanently traumatized!" Raki shouts.

"Well, this is a lesson on how peer pressure can ruin your life and the consequences for Deneve was being traumatized." Helen says.

"But you caused it! You made her go!" Raki shouts.

"Well, she didn't have to come." Helen shrugs.

"But..." Raki starts.

"Oh, there were so many times that Deneve got into trouble. There was the time that I got her to tease a yoma and he took a bite out of her. Oh, then there was the time I got her to paint 'Rimuto sucks and is a ugly meany head' on his door. Haha You should have seen Rimuto's face when he caught her. She had to clean the door and all the rooms." Helen says, with great amusement.

"You're a horrible friend." Raki shakes his head.

"I am not! It was awesome and we had a lot of fun! Didn't we Deneve?" Helen looks at Deneve.

"…" The flames start to return.

"Deneve?" Helen flinches as she starts to get singed.

"Awesome? Fun?" Deneve asks, turning to face Helen.

"I didn't think it was funny." Raki says, trying to break the ropes tying him to the tree.

"Raki, _**SHUT UP**_!" Deneve shouts.

"Ok, shutting up." Raki turns cold from the glare Deneve gives him.

"Well, we did have some laughs." Helen says, trying to break the tension.

"Laughs? You think my mental trauma is funny?" Deneve's voice becoming cold.

"Uh, remember this was for Raki's lesson." Helen says, desperately trying to refocus Deneve's attention on Raki.

Deneve's looks at Raki and he starts shaking his head in an attempt to say it's not his fault nonverbally.

"… That's right you brought me here to relive my traumatic childhood, which was your fault by the way, for the purpose of your stupid lessons!" Deneve says her voice getting louder with every word.

"Uh, that's it for today's lesson Raki!" Helen yells, backing away.

"Did I say you could leave?" Deneve grabs the back of Helen's shirt and lifts her off the ground.

"Ummm… yes?" Helen asks, hopefully.

"Wrong answer, try again." Deneve shakes Helen.

"No?" Helen asks, losing hope.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! Congratulations Helen! You answered correctly! Now, how should I repay you for all those years of mental trauma and you using me as an example of how peer pressure ruins lives? Any suggestions?" Deneve shakes Helen again.

"Ummm… Nothing? Forgiveness is always the higher road to take, revenge is for losers." Helen says, her eyes brimming with hope.

"No, I don't think I'll take the higher road and are you calling me a loser?" Helen is shaken once more.

"Well, if you put it that way then yes. Revenge is for losers." Helen answers.

"_Wrong answer.._." Raki's thought is interrupted when the ground starts to crack.

"_What was that?_" The flames surrounding Deneve grow and leaves start falling off the tree in little flaming clumps.

"Uh… You're a loser for choosing revenge?" Helen squeaks.

"RAKI! WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?!" Deneve shouts over her shoulder.

"….." Raki panics not knowing if it was ok to speak now.

"YOU CAN SPEAK NOW!" Deneve yells at him.

"I learned that knowing when to shut up is very important, childhood traumas are not funny no matter what, and if you cause said traumas, you should grovel at the feet of the person you wronged." Raki finishes, hoping that Deneve won't kill him with Helen.

"…_**CORRECT! HELEN, I HOPE YOU ARE PREPARED FOR A WORLD OF HURT!**_" Deneve smiles evilly up at Helen.

Deneve ties Helen into a ball and bounces her on the ground a few times. When Deneve was happy with the bouncing height she took her claymore and swung the broad side into Helen before she hit the ground. Helen goes flying to the stone wall and bounces off, soaring back towards Deneve, who kicks her back to the wall. Raki watches, caught between wonder and slight worry that maybe Helen might die, but he quickly forgot that when Deneve did a spectacular spinning kick sending Helen flying to the eighteenth story wall. Deneve decides to stop when she hears an ominous breaking sound when Helen smashed into another wall. Deneve decides that she has done enough for now and drags Helen into some random hall and leaves her in the middle of the floor. Unfortunately, no one seemed to remember that poor Raki was still tied to the now very crispy tree. However, it wasn't as bad as he thought it was considering he was able to enjoy the rest of his day in peace. The only problem came at night when he still was tied to the tree and there was no one in sight. Luckily, Miria passed by him early the next morning and untied him and then she went to go yell at Helen for leaving him there all night. While listening to Helen's scolding, Raki was left in peace to hope that perhaps this was the final lesson.


	3. Lesson 3: Picking the Right Pet

Lesson 3: Picking the Right Pet

_Tabitha_

At first Raki thought he had died and went to the _bad place_ his parents told him that bad people go to when they die. What other explanation could there be to the four Helens that were swimming in front of him, but then as his memories started to come back to him, he realized that he wasn't dead just very _very_ stupid.

_Last Night_

Location: Dining Hall

Activity: DINNER (Deadly Invented Nuisance Now Eradicating Raki)

"Yummy! This is the best mystery chicken thingy I've ever eaten! Don't you think so Raki?" Pieces of food falling out of Helen's mouth.

"Ummm… Yeah, it's quite good Helen." Raki said, taking the piece of chicken that Helen was offering him.

"Helen, can you pass it this way too?" Clare asked.

"NO! I-I mean, Raki looks really hungry and you guys have the same plate on your end." Helen hides the plate under the table.

"I don't mind if you give some to Clare. Here you can have my piece." Raki reaches down to his newly acquired piece of chicken.

"NO! I-I mean, Clare can get her own food." Helen grabs Raki's arm.

"Helen, just give Clare the stupid chicken!" Miria yelled.

"Uh- Uh…. Oh no! I've completely by accident dropped all the chicken on the floor! Oh, I am such a klutz! I am so sorry Clare!" Helen said, in mock tragedy.

"Oh, that's ok five second rule." Clare reaches down for a piece.

"Ah! That's not sanitary!" Helen kicks Clare's hand.

"Owww! What's your problem?!" Clare screamed, while holding her hand.

"You shouldn't eat food off the floor. Who knows what's been walking around in here!" Helen quickly said.

"Hey! I mopped the floor this afternoon!" Deneve said, reaching over to hit Helen.

"Owww!" Helen screamed, holding her head.

"Haha! I got my chicken!" Clare yelled, running around the table.

"Hey! Don't eat that!" Helen yelled, running after Clare.

"Yay! Tag!" Miata yelled, chasing Helen and Clare.

"Miata! Come back here!" Clarice runs after Miata.

"Gotcha!" Helen dives on Clare and the two immediately begin to fight over the piece of chicken in Clare's hand.

"Tag, your it!" Miata screamed happily, diving onto the fighting duo.

"Miata! Come here!" Clarice yelled, promptly tripping and falling onto the other three. "Ouf!"

"One…Two…Three…" Miria began to count, her eye twitching with every number. "_Why must they all act like idiots?_" Miria's thoughts were cut short by laughter.

"Haha! Too late!" Clare yelled, while shoving the entire piece of chicken in her mouth.

"AGHHH! OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!!" Helen screamed, trying to pry Clare's mouth open. "_I can't let Clare swallow that piece of chicken! Horrible things would befall me if Clare did!_" Helen thought, desperately.

"Four… Five… Six.." Miria says. "Six…Five……..Seven…" Miria tired to continue as a black doom clouds form around her.

"Tag! Tag! Tag!" Miata screamed in delight, as she ran around hitting everyone in sight.

"AHHH! DON'T DO THAT!" Clarice screamed, as she tries to catch Miata.

"Seven… Seven…" Miria said, unaware that everyone around her is moving away.

"Bleh! Already swallowed it!" Clare said, opening her empty mouth.

"AHHH! DON'T LET IT DIGEST!!!" Helen screamed, while grabbing for her claymore.

"HEY! ARE YOU INSANE?!" Clare screamed, as she tries to scramble away from Helen.

"_**STOP IT ALL OF YOU!!! THIS IS DINNER!!! NOT PLAY TIME!!! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO SIT DOWN NOW AND EAT!!!**_" Miria yelled, with her eye twitching.

The four of them walked trembling back to their chairs.

"Helen, after dinner you will clean the floor." Miria said.

"Ok."

"Clare, tomorrow you're going to babysit Miata so that Clarice can have a break." Miria continued.

"Ok."

"Now, finishing eating."

"Ok." The whole room answered.

"Ummm… Raki, do you want some apple juice? It's really good." Helen asks, her eyes nervously flickering towards Clare a few times.

"Ummm… I guess." Raki said, taking the cup from her. "Is there something wrong with Clare?"

"Wrong? Haha! No, what could possibly be wrong with Clare?" Helen nervously replied.

"Ok." Raki shrugs and takes a drink. "_Cough_ - Helen! -_Cough_ – What - _Cough_ _Cough_ _Cough_ - is this?" Raki choked out.

"Ummm… Apple juice?" Helen nervously said.

"Raki, give me the cup." Clare said, pulling Raki's cup out of his hand. Helen attempts to grab the cup, but Clare smacks her hand away and takes a sip. "Helen! This is beer! Actually, I don't think I can even call this beer! It tastes like you mixed every alcoholic drink you could find in this cup!"

"Only three… I-I mean… I don't know what you're talking about." Helen said, trying unsuccessfully to look innocent.

"Helen, if Raki's sick tomorrow, you're taking care of him." Miria said.

"Ok." Helen said, happily.

"No – _Cough_ – that's not – _Cough_ – necessary – _Cough_!" Raki chokes out. The last thing he wanted was for Helen to take care of him. He had heard all about the time Miria was sick and Helen tried to help take care of her. Long story short, Helen destroyed the cave, made Miria even sicker, Yoma in the area were reduced to drooling terrified lumps rocking back and forth in a fetal position for weeks, and everyone besides Helen got sick. There was _noooo_ way he would ever let Helen take care of him. Uh- uh no way at all!

_Five minutes and a spinning world later…_

"Why's the room spinning, Claaaaaare?" Raki slurs.

"You're dead." Clare said, glaring at Helen.

"Cllllaaaaarrrrreeee… I don't feel good." Raki slurs, beginning to sway in his chair.

"Uh, come on Raki. I'll take you back to your room." Helen says, dragging Raki towards the door.

"No, I don't wanna go with you!" Raki said, trying to struggle out of Helen's grasp.

"Raki stop, you're going to fall!" Helen said, struggling with Raki. Raki manages to wrench his arm out of Helen's grasp and staggers a few steps before falling to the ground unconscious.

_Back to the Present_

"Oh, you're finally awake! I was afraid that I gave you too much and put you in a coma!" Helen excitedly said.

"What did you do to me?" Was what Raki wanted to say, but what actually came out sounded more like," Mmmmmhmmm lhmmm meehhhhe?"

"Oops. Looks like I did over do it. I hope that's not permanent." Helen flippantly said.

"What do you mean permanent?!" Raki tried to say, but all that came out was," Waaaaaahhhmmm mmmmmm lleeeeaaammmm?!"

"Don't get mad. I was only joking. Sorta." Helen mumbled that last part, but Raki still heard it. Unable to speak, his only response was to glare at her. "I was faced with _sooo_ many problems with this plan, because I knew you wouldn't come to your lesson quietly, so I had to think of something that would _make_ you come quietly. I wasn't sure how much to give you so I used the entire bottle of the sedative powder I bought. Looking back, I guess that was _way_ too much. Oh well." Helen waved her hands carelessly. "Then I was faced with another problem, how to speed things up? So, I mixed you a special drink that would cause the sedatives to work faster. I know the directions say to not drink when you take it, but everything turned out fine. Well, except for the whole not being able to speak thing, but you're still alive." Helen received another glare from Raki. "My next setback was when Clare ate the chicken. I only meant to drug you and was worried that everyone would know what I'd done if Clare realized the chicken was messed with, but lucky for me Clare was so happy to foil my attempts of snatching the chicken back that she didn't realized it was drugged. Another thing that worked in my favor is that Clare is only a quarter yoma and the drugs worked slower and didn't really take effect until she was ready to go to sleep. Now, everyone will just think that she's hung over. I am such a genius! Bwahahahaha!!!" Helen's evil laughter made Raki's glare turn into a look of death.

"Cuuuafff mmlmmmhm keeee ooooo!" ("Clare's going to kill you!") Raki said, trying to get up only to fall flat on his face.

"Oops, I guess that's another side effect." Helen said, while dragging Raki up into a sitting position and leaning him against a wall. "Don't worry! It should wear off eventually!" Helen added in response to Raki's glare. Raki's attention was drawn to a box in the corner of the room that started to move. Helen walks over to the box and sticks her hand in it and the box stopped moving.

"Mwaaaa hmmm laaah?" ("What is that?") Raki asked, fearfully.

"You'll find out later in our lesson. Now, today's lesson is, Picking the Right Pet. You may ask why I am giving a lesson on pets? How can you mess up picking a pet? Well, it's easy if you like mutant monsters. How can something as simple as choosing the right pet ruin your life? Well, it can ruin your life by making everyone around you suffer and then their suffering makes them hate you and want to hurt you." Helen stops talking when someone knocks on the door.

"Helen, what did you want to talk to me about?" Tabitha asked as she opened the door.

Helen quickly moves in front of Raki to hide him from Tabitha. The sudden movement actually draws Tabitha's attention to Raki instead of hiding him. Tabitha's eyes grow large and she stands open mouthed staring from Raki to Helen speechless.

"Uh, yes? Is there a problem?" Helen nervously asks. She starts to fidget under Tabitha's gaze. "Uh, why are you looking at me like that?"

"What have you done?" Tabitha breathlessly asks. "Raki, are you ok?" She says as she rushes over to Raki.

"Hmmmlmm dwaaa maaaeee waaaah kaaaaoooop mwaa!" ("Helen drugged me and kidnapped me!") Raki attempted to explain, only succeeding in babbling like an idiot once again and drooling on himself.

"HELEN! WHAT'S WRONG WITH RAKI?!"Tabitha asks, whirling around to face Helen.

"Oh, yes that. You see I think I may have given him a tinsy bit too much of the sedative I found, but don't worry I'm pretty sure that the side effects are only temporary." Helen said quickly.

"Side effects? You mean that there are more than one?!" Tabitha yelled.

"Well, it seems that he can't really move without falling on his face, but that should go away." Helen explained.

"Clare's going to kill you! That is if Miria doesn't kill you first!" Tabitha yelled, getting ready to pull Raki off the floor. "Come on, Raki. Let's get you to a doctor. Everything will be alright. Don't worry." Tabitha stopped talking when Raki started to move a little. "Oh, that's great Raki! It looks like you're regaining your ability to move!" Tabitha exclaimed, oblivious to the shadow looming behind her.

"Mmhmmm ooooua!" ("Behind you!") Raki frantically yelled. Not being able to talk was really inconvenient he thought.

Raki's thought on the inconvenience of not being able to speak properly was cut short by a muted thumping sound. Raki looked up and saw Helen holding her claymore in her hand above Tabitha's head. He looked at Tabitha and saw the confused look on her face as she fell towards the floor.

"TAFA!!!" Raki yelled. "_Hey! That kinda sounded like her name! Cool! I think I'm getting better! Oh wait, my only hope of escaping is currently unconscious. Sad again."_ Raki's depressing thoughts were cut short when he noticed Helen shove something into Tabitha's mouth and drag her into a corner and tie her up.

"It's a yoki suppressant pill, or rather ten of them. I'm not really sure what taking ten would do, but there's no way the scientists at the organization would ever create something that was dangerous. So, she'll be ok. I just gave them to her so that she won't get loose before the lesson ends." Helen explained to Raki.

_One Minute Later_

"ARGH! When is she going to wake up! It's been like forever!!!" Helen whined, kicking Tabitha's foot a little. Raki just rolled his eyes, which Helen received very well and decided to thank him by kicking his leg really hard.

"Mwaaa!!!" Raki yelled and drooled.

_Three Minutes Later_

"I'm soooo boooored!!! Wake up!!!" Helen screams as she shakes Tabitha really hard making her head slam into the wall repeatedly.

"_Sigh_" Raki rolls his eyes again. "Mwaaa!!!" Raki yelled, when Helen kicked him again.

_Five Minutes Later_

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" Helen screams at Tabitha, jump dancing all around her. Fortunately for Helen, and rather unfortunately for Raki, she caught him rolling his eyes at her antics again. She thanked him by kicking his leg harder than the other two times.

"Mwaaa!!!" Raki yelled, his eyes watering a bit.

"Ugh… My head…" Tabitha moaned.

"Yay! She's awake! Now we can start!!!" Helen yelled, bouncing to the middle of the room.

"Helen, what did you do to me? The whole room is spinning." Tabitha asked.

"Uh, well I knocked you out and then I gave you one or maybe ten suppressant pills." Helen said, completely unconcerned.

"T-ten?! YOU GAVE ME _TEN_?!!! _**YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO TAKE THAT MANY AT THE SAME TIME!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!!!**_" Tabitha shrieked.

"Of course I'm not trying to kill you. It turned out fine. You're not dead and you can speak too." Helen replied.

"_**FORGET MIRIA AND CLARE!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!**_" Tabitha yelled, trying to get up and realizing that she was tied up. "_**WHY DID YOU TIE ME UP?!**_" Tabitha sent her best death glare to Helen making Raki cringe from its power.

"Well, I was afraid that you'd try to escape, but I was just thinking that maybe that was too much. Considering that you want to kill me now, I think that I made the right choice to begin with." Helen finished with a satisfied look on her face.

"I hope you know that I'm imagining the most horrible deaths ever contrived right now." Tabitha growled.

"Ok, let's begin our lesson! As you I told you before we were so rudely interrupted, the life lesson today is about pets." Helen began. "Now, if you want to keep your friends, I suggest that you don't choose a nasty mutant that likes to use your friends as a _**CHEW TOY**_!!!" Helen pauses to collect herself.

"Hey! Cuddles was a sweet little baby! He was _NOT_ A NASTY MUTANT!!!" Tabitha screamed.

"HE WAS TOO!!! RAKI! YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!!! THIS IDIOT PICKED UP A NASTY MUTANT SPIDER WITH A THOUSAND LEGS, A MILLION EYES, AND THE LITTLE MONSTER HAD LIKE A TRILLION TEETH. _**IT WOULD CHEW ON EVERYONE AT NIGHT WHILE THEY SLEPT!!!!**_" Helen stomped her foot and then turned to glare at Tabitha.

"_**CUDDLES WAS NOT A MONSTER!!! HE WAS A SWEET, LOVABLE, LITTLE BABY!!! AND YOU HORRIBLE PEOPLE KILLED MY POOR LITTLE BABY!!!**_" Tears streamed from her eyes from the memory of the worst day of her life.

"_Wow, I'm kinda glad that I can't talk. No matter what I say I'll be wrong and someone will be mad at me_. _Even though I hate to do it, I think I agree with Helen on this one. I'm glad I never saw that mutant spider._" Raki's thoughts were cut short by Tabitha's flames of rage. From the looks of it those ropes around her were going to be burnt though soon and Raki was going to make sure he wasn't _anywhere_ near her when it happened.

"_**WHAT DO YOU MEAN BABY?!!! THE LITTLE MONSTER LAID A ZILLION EGGS IN THE CAVE!!! WE HAD TO MOVE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!**_" Helen stormed over to where Tabitha was sitting on the floor.

"_**SO WHAT?!!! YOU AND CYNTHIA BLEW UP THE FIRST CAVE!!! ALL THAT WAS LEFT WAS A SMOLDERING CRATER!!!**_" Raki heard the rope begin to sizzle.

"Raki, this is an appropriate pet!" Helen stomps over to the box and pulls put an adorable little black puppy.

"Awwww…Pwauppie…" Raki looked at the puppy longing to pet it. "_Hey! I almost said puppy right! Yay!!!_" Helen handed him the puppy and he started to pet it awkwardly. Apparently, his ability to move wasn't quite right yet.

"This is a real pet! It doesn't induce nightmares and it doesn't try to eat you while you sleep!!!" Helen sticks her tongue out at Tabitha.

"_**YOU…**_" The ropes confining Tabitha snap. As she prepares to take a step towards Helen to kill her, the door flies open and slams into her face, knocking her to the floor. "_OUF!_" _Thud!!!_

"_**IE FROWLING TO QUILL OOOAAA, HEWEN!!!**_" Clare roared from the open door, her eyes glowing red and her mouth spread into a maniacal grin. This is it! This is the moment she had been waiting for!

She woke up with her head spinning and feeling absolutely horrible. She realized then that something was terribly wrong. The pieces immediately fell into place then. Helen's insistence that Raki eat the chicken she offered him. Helen's weird behavior when she asked for a piece. Helen dumping the whole plate of chicken on the floor to try to keep her from getting a piece. Helen chasing her down after she took a piece. Helen trying to cut her open after she ate it. Helen's nervous behavior after she ate it. It all added up to one thing, _HELEN_. She did something to the chicken and didn't want anyone but Raki to eat it. When Clare tried to get off the bed and go kill Helen, she discovered something rather unpleasant. The floor. The moment she got off the bed she fell flat on her face. Stupid Helen! What did she put in the chicken?! This had better not be permanent! What made Clare even more furious was when she tried to call out for help, and all that came out was "Mwauoaf ee!", and a lot of drool. She was used to falling on her face, but the fact that she couldn't talk made her furious. If she was like this, then Raki was probably even worse. Oh, Helen was going to pay as soon as she got the ability to move again. Helen was so dead. She tried to do her super evil laugh, but all that came out was a muffled "Gah gah gah!!!" Stupid Helen! She couldn't even do a proper evil laugh! So, Clare laid on the floor for five hours plotting Helen's death.

Now, was her chance to enact her most evil plan. So what it things didn't go as planned and she accidently knocked out Tabitha. She'll be ok. So, what if her intimidating roar "I'm going to kill you, Helen!", came out sounding completely stupid because she hadn't recovered her ability to speak. She had one thing her evil grin and her red glowy eyes. Nothing was going to stop her….

"Awwww…Pwauppie…" Clare rushed over to pet the puppy with Raki, completely ignoring Helen who was standing frozen with fear in the middle of the room.

"_Wow, I'm glad Clare has a short attention span today. That must be a side effect._" Sensing murderous waves, Helen turned around to see Tabitha illuminated in a reddish glow.

"_**HELEN!!!**_" Tabitha rises off the floor, the floor melting beneath her feet.

"_EEP!_" Helen started hastily looking for an exit.

"_**THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!**_" The wall behind Tabitha began to melt.

"…" Helen had to admit she was quite right. Tabitha was next to the door and Clare and Raki were playing with the puppy under the window. There was no escape. She was going to die.

Raki and Clare looked up from the puppy when they noticed a strange hissing sound coming from somewhere near the door. The sight in front of them made them both wish they never looked up. Nearly the whole wall was melted and there were holes forming showing them the hallway. The door was completely nonexistent and there was an eerie black shadow surrounding Tabitha. The puppy whimpered in terror and shook in Raki's arms.

"Uh- now Tabitha, you wouldn't want to do anything that you might regret later." Helen moved to the right a little in case an opening formed.

"_**THERE IS NO WAY I'LL REGRET THIS!!!**_" Tabitha growled, moving to her left to block Helen.

"B-but what about Raki?! You wouldn't want to hurt him would you?!" Helen screamed, frantically thinking of a way out of this mess. Clare didn't matter. She wanted to kill her as well. So, if she accidently got caught too then all the better for Helen. Besides, using Clare as a shield wouldn't help since she had knocked Tabitha out and Tabitha would most certainly remember that.

"_**THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL BE HURT IS YOU!!! THEY ONLY ATTACK THOSE I TELL THEM TO!!!**_" Tabitha pulled out a funny looking whistle like thing. It was a blackish lumpy thing that had holes drilled all over.

"T-they?" Helen did not like the sound of this. It sounded as if Tabitha had made some new friends and when Tabitha made new friends… Helen shuddered at the memory of Cuddles.

By this point the poor puppy was practically crying and Raki could sympathize with it. He wanted to cry too. He knew from the moment Helen had said "lesson", that something horrible was going to happen. It always did. His sense of impending doom did not fade when Tabitha raised the lumpy whistle and blew in it. Raki and Clare looked at each other confused when they heard no sound, but apparently the puppy had because it immediately began to burrow its head in the crook of Raki's arm. Clare, Helen, and Raki looked at Tabitha nervously. The weird black shadow around her was growing bigger and they had the strangest impression that it was making strangled squeaking noises.

It appeared that Helen was the first to realize that something was seriously wrong. "TABITHA, WHAT ARE THOSE HORRIBLE MONSTERS?!!!"

This however, seemed to be the wrong way to ask Tabitha. "_**THEY ARE NOT HORRIBLE MONSTERS!!! YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO RESPECT OTHER'S PETS!!!**_" The Black shadow swarmed around her, making her disappear. The squeaking noise grew louder and was joined by a strange fluttering sound. Shadows started to pour in from every corner and surrounded the entire room. Tabitha stepped out of the swarm and smiled lovingly at the black mass that covered the room. "I wuv you my cute wittle bwabbies." Tabitha cooed, while stroking something.

Now, Raki was really curious as well as terrified. He squinted his eyes in an effort to see what Tabitha was fawning over and what Helen was so terrified of. He was really stupid sometimes. He should have never looked. What he saw made him wish he never looked. The term "ignorance is bliss" came to mind and he began to see that was really the way to live. You were much happier not knowing. If you didn't know then there was no way you could ever be traumatized. Raki cringed when Tabitha kissed the _creature_. He used _creature_ loosely. The _creatures_ were black, they had large bat wings and bat like ears, the torso was furry and looked like the torso of a gerbil with a tail of a cat at the end, attached to the torso were rabbit legs, the head looked like a rat's, and it's three eyes were facetted. Each faucet was red, white, or a muddy brown color. Raki looked at Clare and almost burst out laughing because she had an identical look of horror on her face as Helen had.

"Uh, I think I'll be going now. Raki your lesson is dismissed." Helen started to move towards the door.

"_**WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!**_" Tabitha pointed her finger at Helen and she was immediately swallowed by Tabitha's new mutant friends.

"_**AGGGHHH!!! HELP ME!!!**_" Helen's terror-filled scream was somewhat muffled by the bodies of the creatures and the combined noise of their beating wings and the "_Squeak! Squeak! Meow! Squeak!_" noise they were making.

Clare and Raki gaped at the spot where Helen was and where the creatures were now swarming.

"Raki, what did you learn today?" Tabitha asked, a little too nicely.

"Never accept food from Helen." Raki said immediately. If he hadn't been so terrified he would have noticed that the horror the creatures instilled in him had cure his speech problem.

"Anything else?" Tabitha asked, her tone becoming dangerous.

"Uh, people should like you for you and not your pets?" Raki answered, fearful that he was going to be the next victim.

"What do you think of my little darlings?" Tabitha took a step towards him, Clare, and the trembling puppy.

Raki, sensing danger, clamped his hand over Clare's mouth to prevent her from saying anything stupid that would get them killed. "T-they're a-adorable." Raki stuttered. "_Yeah, adorably horrible!_" Raki thought. Clare looked at him in shock and he made her nod her head in agreement.

"Hmmm… What about you Clare?" Tabitha turned to look into Clare wide eyes.

Raki made her nod her head in agreement again.

"I'm not sure I know what that means."

"She agrees with me. Her ability to speak hasn't recovered yet. So, all she can do is nod." Raki hastily said.

"_**AHHHHH!!!**_" Helen screamed.

"Oh, I'm so glad you like them! Do you want one?" Tabitha asked excitedly, completely ignoring Helen.

"Uh, I don't think that's going to be possible. You see my puppy is scared of them. You know how puppies are scared of everything. So, I'll have to say no." Raki said, closing his eyes preparing for death.

"Awww, that's disappointing, but I understand." Tabitha sighed, watching her babies maul Helen with a slight smile on her face.

"Ummm… I'm not feeling well. I think I'll be going back to my room." Raki got up hoping that he could walk now. He was pleased when he dragged himself and Clare into a standing position and they didn't land on their faces. "Come on Clare, you don't look like you're feeling well either."

"Ok, bye bye. I think I'll watch a little longer." Tabitha waved at them.

Raki dragged Clare out of the room with his hand still over her mouth, fearing that if he removed it she would insult Tabitha's babies. They walked out of the room ignoring Helen's wail of despair. Raki dragged Clare all the way out of the room and outside.

Clare, deciding that she had enough of Raki's hand over her mouth, slaps his hand away from her face. "Why did you cover my mouth?! And how can those those _things_ be _adorable_?!"

"I only said that so she wouldn't kill us! I was also worried that in your shock of seeing those monsters that you would insult them! _Sorry_, for not wanting us to die in a horrible way!" Raki yelled, cuddling the puppy closer to him.

"First of all, I don't need any attitude from you. Secondly, you're going to crush that puppy."

"Oops, sorry puppy." Raki weakened his grip on the puppy.

From the direction of Helen's room they heard another wail followed by Tabitha's insane laughter.

"Do you think Helen's going to die?" Raki asked, somewhat concerned.

"Don't know. Don't care." Clare said, petting the puppy.

From far away they heard Miria yelling. "_**HELEN! WHAT DID YOU DO?! THE WHOLE CITY HAS BEEN INFESTED BY SOME STRANGE FLYING RODNET THING!!! OH, AND I KNOW YOU DRUGGED THE CHICKEN!!! WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU ARE IN SOOOOO MUCH TROUBLE!!!!**_"

"Come on Raki, let's go feed the puppy."


End file.
